Super Troopers lied to me
- May 6, 2008 - 11:36pm
- Mood: eugh
- Playing: eugh
- Watching: eugh
- Listening: eugh
- Reading: eugh
- Drinking: eugh
- Eating: eugh
Please ... please ... never EVER drink syrup. Especially a whole bottle at a time. It is nowhere near as fun as it looks.
I found a bottle of syrup in my physics class and the teacher said it wasn't hers, so I took it. During the last hour of the day, this idea came into my head that I should chug this syrup like they did on Super Troopers. Worth a few laughs, right?
WRONG. Well, sort of.
This wasn't the pussy kind of syrup either, the natural maple stuff thats all runny and shit. This stuff was full-on cheap-o corn syrup-laced maple syrup.
Which brings me to my next detail: the chug itself.
I psyched myself up a bit, quieted the crowd, and put the thing to my lips. First thing I noticed was that it wouldn't go down your throat at an appropriate chugging rate, you need to suck it down. And don't even get me started on all the innuendos that could describe the feeling i got when actually swallowing the stuff.
It went well, no idea how long it took. But once I was done I remember being really shaky and full. Of syrup. Duh.
I went to the bathroom and tried to make myself puke, but it just wasn't happening. So I came back out and decided to tough it out. How bad could this possibly be?
Ten minutes later: The headache. I don't even know why, but my head started to hurt like a bitch. And bitches hurt a lot. Didn't have anything to take, though, so again I decided to tough it out and get something once I got home. Then my mom showed up.
She had to talk to my teacher. So I had a ride ... but I also needed to wait another half an hour to get home. It was during this half an hour that the stomach pains started to set in. Thats when I realized that I needed to get this shit out of my body stat. I went to the toilet and again tried to make myself puke, this time succeeding. Yes, I succeeded all over the seat and a little on the floor. Victory is sweet.
Nonetheless, I proudly marched out of the bathroom, much of the pressure relieved from my stomach. I must have yarfed out half the bottle. Then my mommy took me home and I passed out for 2 hours. Felt so good.
This is when the weirdest thing of all started. After I woke up, I felt like and obese person trapped in a skinny guy's body, if that makes any sense. My heart rate was up, even just lying there, and for maybe an hour and a half I was breathing heavily. Just lying there. Most of which I just lay there and stared. I didn't even have any mental will to get up and do anything.
I have mostly recovered now, thank god. It is an awful, awful feeling to be full of syrup. There is, however, one thing that still bothers me. More than the bubblegut, more than the absence of an appetite.
It is this: every time I burp, it tastes like syrup.
The time is 7.32. It has been 5 hours and 4 minutes since I chugged a full bottle of syrup. Since I made one of the worst decisions I can remember making.
Here is the video, if you dare to watch it
But for now I am fine and ... I dance 
Grimesface
Comments
ӝAmras
That Guy...
Don't do that.
Syrup's not for chuggin'.
Bad.
Fluffy is a pretty pretty princess.
Where we're going, we don't need roads.
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ӝNirach
Worrying is about as effective as chewing gum to solve algebra
I wish a cop here'd say that
Keep your eyes peeled for the average gamers.
Nothing's broken, it's just functioning differently.
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ӝNirach
Worrying is about as effective as chewing gum to solve algebra
Keep your eyes peeled for the average gamers.
Nothing's broken, it's just functioning differently.
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ʊchalkley3
I go where I please, and I please where I go
Yay for hyperglycemia.
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ʊIrishancest
Legally Certified Warthog Operator
Beware. The Internewt is real!
I'll have a loil, on the rocks.
Come Riot over in Napalm Chat: http://www.napalmriot.com/chat/
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ʊIrishancest
Legally Certified Warthog Operator
Beware. The Internewt is real!
I'll have a loil, on the rocks.
Come Riot over in Napalm Chat: http://www.napalmriot.com/chat/
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ʊIrishancest
Legally Certified Warthog Operator
Beware. The Internewt is real!
I'll have a loil, on the rocks.
Come Riot over in Napalm Chat: http://www.napalmriot.com/chat/
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ʊIrishancest
Legally Certified Warthog Operator
Beware. The Internewt is real!
I'll have a loil, on the rocks.
Come Riot over in Napalm Chat: http://www.napalmriot.com/chat/
ӝspot
Chief Instigator
I, Gamer!
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
On the bright side, it'll be an interesting story to tell someday ...
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ɤHelewidis
Rolls Twenties
or maybe it was rotten syrup? *fear* arrgh!!! either way, bad bad idea... but a really fun and addictive story!!!
insert cute and witty sig here with added boobs! Yes, I say boobs!
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
shaved a few years off my life, but its one hell of a story
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!
ɤHelewidis
Rolls Twenties
insert cute and witty sig here with added boobs! Yes, I say boobs!
ɤGrimesFace
Is In Your Base, Killing Your Mans
Fart into the microphone
Physics is broken!